About Me

  • Writer
  • Father of 3
  • Poet
  • Fun
  • Patron of Reading
  • Storyteller
  • Highly respected in schools
  • Professional

The life and times of Conrad


Chapter 1

Back in 1976 when summers were still dry and hot (I know it’s hard to believe – but they were!) I entered the world alongside my identical twin brother early one Saturday morning in a West Yorkshire hospital.

At the age of three I tried to sell our younger brother to the postman (I failed). At the age of four I left home in a bid for freedom on my favourite toy – a plastic, four wheeled, yellow petrol wagon (failed again – I got as far as my local nursery before the police kindly returned me to my frantic mum).

Since then things have calmed down a bit, but what has not calmed down is my passion for stories and writing. As a primary school pupil I wrote stories all the time. High school slightly blunted my enthusiasm, but by the time I’d fled England to go to University in South Africa (this time, a successful bid for freedom!) I was writing wacky poems for friends’ birthdays, special events, and any time I could find an excuse to make up something daft.

After gaining an honours degree in English literature I returned back to Yorkshire and completed an MA in Creative Writing.

 

 

 

Using that as a springboard, I began to work in schools all across the country inspiring children to write. Sharing my stories and poems with children, and inspiring them to believe that they, too, can become writers, is what I do best. It is something that I have been doing for over a decade and something that I believe I will continue to do for the rest of my days.

I have had many and varied jobs – I have sold cameras, measured coal miners for boiler suits, counselled people in nightclubs, and been fired as a silver service waiter for sweating into the mixed veg! I have now found the job that I believe I was made for. I have visited over 200 primary schools, the vast majority of which have invited me back for repeat visits.  I love what I do and so, it seems, do they.

When I look back at the people who have influenced my love of books and writing, I think of people like Roald Dahl, Enid Blyton, and my wonderful Year 4 teacher, Mrs Johnson. It is my hope that I can have a similar influence on the children that I meet, inspiring them to believe that they, too, can write creatively. I have written four books of children’s poetry, a picture book, and many short stories which I frequently use in my school workshops.

Contrary to popular belief, I am not fifty, I do not have a beard, and my name is not Colin. I can, however, confirm that I am tall, I do have a big, booming laugh, and I love cricket and lego almost as much as I love books.

About Conrad

Back in 1976 when summers were still dry and hot (I know it’s hard to believe – but they were!) I entered the world alongside my identical twin brother early one Saturday morning in a West Yorkshire hospital.

At the age of three I tried to sell our younger brother to the postman (I failed). At the age of four I left home in a bid for freedom on my favourite toy – a plastic, four wheeled, yellow petrol wagon (failed again – I got as far as my local nursery before the police kindly returned me to my frantic mum).

Since then things have calmed down a bit, but what has not calmed down is my passion for stories and writing. As a primary school pupil I wrote stories all the time. High school slightly blunted my enthusiasm, but by the time I’d fled England to go to University in South Africa (this time, a successful bid for freedom!) I was writing wacky poems for friends’ birthdays, special events, and any time I could find an excuse to make up something daft.

After gaining an honours degree in English literature I returned back to Yorkshire and completed an MA in Creative Writing.

 

 

 

Using that as a springboard, I began to work in schools all across the country inspiring children to write. Sharing my stories and poems with children, and inspiring them to believe that they, too, can become writers, is what I do best. It is something that I have been doing for over a decade and something that I believe I will continue to do for the rest of my days.

I have had many and varied jobs – I have sold cameras, measured coal miners for boiler suits, counselled people in nightclubs, and been fired as a silver service waiter for sweating into the mixed veg! I have now found the job that I believe I was made for. I have visited over 200 primary schools, the vast majority of which have invited me back for repeat visits.  I love what I do and so, it seems, do they.

When I look back at the people who have influenced my love of books and writing, I think of people like Roald Dahl, Enid Blyton, and my wonderful Year 4 teacher, Mrs Johnson. It is my hope that I can have a similar influence on the children that I meet, inspiring them to believe that they, too, can write creatively. I have written four books of children’s poetry, a picture book, and many short stories which I frequently use in my school workshops.

Contrary to popular belief, I am not fifty, I do not have a beard, and my name is not Colin. I can, however, confirm that I am tall, I do have a big, booming laugh, and I love cricket and lego almost as much as I love books.

What makes me different?

    • Fun and engaging
    • Over 10 years’ experience
    • DBS certified
    • Nursery – Year 6
    • Poet, Storyteller and Writer
    • Teacher trainer
    • Visited over 200 schools

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Really need to get rid of our fridge freezer now. Will take £150. Bought for over £500 just over a year ago. Perfect working order - excellent extra for a garage or perfect for the kitchen. Let me know ASAP ... See MoreSee Less

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On holiday in Northumberland. I’ve found a rather nice writing spot. I also heard a fun tale involving a friend’s little daughter - inspiration hit. Enjoy!

Maisy’s Jumper

Little baby Ivy
Splashing in the bath
Cousin Maisy’s helping
Making Ivy laugh

First she puts some bubbles
High on Ivy’s head
Then a game of peekaboo
Before it’s time for bed

But just as bath time’s ending
Baby Ivy stops
She grunts and groans and pushes hard...
Plop! Plop! Plop!

“Mum!” yells Maisy, “gross! Oh yuck!
Look what Ivy’s done!”
The evidence is floating round -
It’s not a number one!

Ivy shoots a hand out
And grabs a pile of poo
This cute and gorgeous baby knows
Exactly what to do

She throws her missile through the air
Straight at cousin Maisy
It lands on Maisy’s brand new jumper -
Poor girl just goes crazy

“Help!” screams Maisy. “Get it off!
I think I’m going to vom.”
Maisy’s mum comes running in
To see what’s going on

She starts to laugh - she cannot stop -
Tears run down her cheeks
It is by far the funniest thing
That she has seen for weeks

And as for baby Ivy?
She giggles: “Ooh ooh, eee!”
Sits down with satisfaction...
...And fills the bath with wee!
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One of my best friends set up a school in Zimbabwe last year. I got this message just now - can anyone help?

Thanks!

Con
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The ups and downs of a Panini collector... ... See MoreSee Less

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We have 3 lovely guinea pigs - Tomato, Sponge and Foxy Mae. But our girls are allergic to them and, since we’ve got Pebbles (our dog) they don’t get much of a look in.

We’ve taken the tough decision to re-home them once we get back off our holidays. But we want them to go somewhere they’ll be loved and looked after.

We have an outdoor cage, cage cover, water bottle along with the guinea pigs themselves. They are lovely pets - never bitey- but just not right for us Burdekins anymore 😞.

If you’re interested, please let us know. We don’t want any money for them - just lots of love.

Thanks!!

Con and Clare

*They live in the garden at ours but can also be housed indoors*
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High Bank Hi Jinks!

I was back at one of my favourite schools today - High Bank in Liversedge. It was them, remember, for whom we collected all those books earlier in the year. I just LOVE this school. I was reminded once again...