Some of Conrad’s Poems

I’ve got a silly daddy

He puts cornflakes in the kettle
And guess what he likes eating best –
A bowl of stinging nettles.

I’ve got a silly daddy
He wears trousers on his head
And just before he goes to work
He paints his eyebrows red.

I’ve got a silly daddy
He drinks mugs of margarine
And some days pours his cup of tea
Inside our washing machine.

I’ve got a silly daddy
He pats his car goodnight
He reads it bedtime stories
Then switches off the light.

I’ve got a silly daddy
He rides his bike up trees
And when we’re at the seaside
He rides into the sea.

I’ve got a silly daddy
He hides under my bed
And when it’s time for sleeping
He jumps onto my head.

I’ve got a silly daddy
I wouldn’t swap him for the world
He’s my silly daddy
And I’m his little girl.

From: ‘The Hungrumptious Blumpfh and Other Poems’ by Conrad Burdekin

Captain Cut-throat

Captain Cut-throat sails the seas
Filthy beard full of fleas
Mouth a wicked, evil sneer
He’s the pirate people fear.

Captain Cut-throat sails the seas
Clothed in sickness and disease
Putrid warts stick to his skin
Pus-filled sores burst on his chin.

Captain Cut-throat sails the seas
Crooked back and knobbly knees
Teeth turned black and falling out
Feet dark green with rotten gout.

Captain Cut-throat sails the seas
Stinky feet of mouldy cheese
Dirty, sweaty, scabby toes
Creatures crawling up his nose.

Captain Cut-throat sails the seas
Never says thank you, never says please
Shouts at shipmates, whips them too,
Hated by his villainous crew.

Captain Cut-throat sailed the seas
Crafty pirates stole his keys
Locked him up and sank the boat
Poor old Captain Cut-throat.

From ‘Teachers Pick their Noses and Other Poems’ by Conrad Burdekin

I like reading

I like reading in my bed
I like reading on my chair
I like reading in the garden
I like reading everywhere
I like reading on the train
I like reading in the car
I like reading in the kitchen
I like reading near and far
I like reading in the cellar
I like reading in the hall
I like reading in the attic
I read anywhere at all
But guess where I like reading best?
Guess what I most like to do?
I like reading in the bathroom
Whilst I’m sitting on the loo!

From: ‘The Baked Bean Queen and Other Poems’ by Conrad Burdekin

Elephant Sleepover

An elephant came for a sleepover
And jumped into my bed
I never saw him coming ‘til
He landed on my head

So now my head is flattened
My bed is broken too
And as for Mr Elephant?
He’s gone back to the zoo

From: ‘Supersonic Gran and Other Poems’ by Conrad Burdekin

What makes me different?

    • Fun and engaging
    • Over 10 years’ experience
    • DBS certified
    • Nursery – Year 6
    • Poet, Storyteller and Writer
    • Teacher trainer
    • Visited over 200 schools

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If you’re looking for something to do next Friday with the kids... ... See MoreSee Less

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Happy Valentine’s Day everyone 😀

youtu.be/zKVCMoffmaY
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My first ever i-movie!

One of my poems called ‘I Like Reading’

My girls helped a lot with the technical aspects.

I fell out a wheelie bin.
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Last Thursday I met a lad called Barry - an unusual name for a primary school pupil these days.

He was great, and all the staff spoke really highly of him. I wrote this poem with Barry in mind. I then discovered that in a couple of weeks it’s National Random Acts of Kindness Day, so it seems appropriate to post this now.

Enjoy!! The poem is called (rather imaginatively, I thought) ... Barry!
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Look at this! How wonderful. As you might have seen, I've been collecting #booksforJacob - a young man in one of my Patron of Reading schools who loves reading more than anything else. Only, he's read every book in school. So I asked if anyone could help out. And it's begun! An author friend is sending him a signed copy of her latest book, several others on Twitter / Facebook have been sending them to his school addressed to him, and then yesterday MANDY BROOMHEAD, bless her cotton socks, hand delivered a parcel. Jacob's mum found me on Twitter today to thank me. It's so lovely when you get to see the impact you have, and this, Mandy, is the impact you've had.

Anyone else who would like to donate, please let me know. And, if you're worried that Jacob will have read everything already, a small cash donation could be a good alternative - I had this idea that we could send him off to a bookshop to find new books that he'd never read!

Thanks again.

It's good to have a story that makes you smile once in a while.

Con
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High Bank Hi Jinks!

I was back at one of my favourite schools today - High Bank in Liversedge. It was them, remember, for whom we collected all those books earlier in the year. I just LOVE this school. I was reminded once again...