Some of Conrad’s Poems

I’ve got a silly daddy

He puts cornflakes in the kettle
And guess what he likes eating best –
A bowl of stinging nettles.

I’ve got a silly daddy
He wears trousers on his head
And just before he goes to work
He paints his eyebrows red.

I’ve got a silly daddy
He drinks mugs of margarine
And some days pours his cup of tea
Inside our washing machine.

I’ve got a silly daddy
He pats his car goodnight
He reads it bedtime stories
Then switches off the light.

I’ve got a silly daddy
He rides his bike up trees
And when we’re at the seaside
He rides into the sea.

I’ve got a silly daddy
He hides under my bed
And when it’s time for sleeping
He jumps onto my head.

I’ve got a silly daddy
I wouldn’t swap him for the world
He’s my silly daddy
And I’m his little girl.

From: ‘The Hungrumptious Blumpfh and Other Poems’ by Conrad Burdekin

Captain Cut-throat

Captain Cut-throat sails the seas
Filthy beard full of fleas
Mouth a wicked, evil sneer
He’s the pirate people fear.

Captain Cut-throat sails the seas
Clothed in sickness and disease
Putrid warts stick to his skin
Pus-filled sores burst on his chin.

Captain Cut-throat sails the seas
Crooked back and knobbly knees
Teeth turned black and falling out
Feet dark green with rotten gout.

Captain Cut-throat sails the seas
Stinky feet of mouldy cheese
Dirty, sweaty, scabby toes
Creatures crawling up his nose.

Captain Cut-throat sails the seas
Never says thank you, never says please
Shouts at shipmates, whips them too,
Hated by his villainous crew.

Captain Cut-throat sailed the seas
Crafty pirates stole his keys
Locked him up and sank the boat
Poor old Captain Cut-throat.

From ‘Teachers Pick their Noses and Other Poems’ by Conrad Burdekin

I like reading

I like reading in my bed
I like reading on my chair
I like reading in the garden
I like reading everywhere
I like reading on the train
I like reading in the car
I like reading in the kitchen
I like reading near and far
I like reading in the cellar
I like reading in the hall
I like reading in the attic
I read anywhere at all
But guess where I like reading best?
Guess what I most like to do?
I like reading in the bathroom
Whilst I’m sitting on the loo!

From: ‘The Baked Bean Queen and Other Poems’ by Conrad Burdekin

Elephant Sleepover

An elephant came for a sleepover
And jumped into my bed
I never saw him coming ‘til
He landed on my head

So now my head is flattened
My bed is broken too
And as for Mr Elephant?
He’s gone back to the zoo

From: ‘Supersonic Gran and Other Poems’ by Conrad Burdekin

What makes me different?

    • Fun and engaging
    • Over 10 years’ experience
    • DBS certified
    • Nursery – Year 6
    • Poet, Storyteller and Writer
    • Teacher trainer
    • Visited over 200 schools

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Today I will be joining 1000 children and adults from 23 local schools to remember and celebrate the life of Jo Cox. I'm honoured to be a part of this wonderful day. It's going to be colourful, exciting and, I imagine, quite emotional. #moreincommon ... See MoreSee Less

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Today I learned that the London Eye is 135 metres tall. But far better than that - I learned how to make a pencil crayon tower! Class 3's is far superior, but I'm hampered by my rounded pencil crayons. Is it acceptable to go and buy hundreds of flat edged pencil crayons for the sole purpose of building a taller tower?

We also wrote a poem about it.
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Went here today. Was astounded at the obvious error. Turns out it really is called Hatfeild Hall.

What the chuff?!? It's making me twitch...
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A teacher friend of mine gave a copy of one of my poetry books (The Baked Bean Queen) to her niece a while ago. She received this thank you note recently. How lovely! ... See MoreSee Less

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Hi there everyone - Happy 2017! I'm FINALLY getting web-savvy and posting my first blog post on my BRAND NEW website. I hope that you like the new site - I'm delighted with it. I'd love to hear any comments...