Some of Conrad’s Poems

I’ve got a silly daddy

He puts cornflakes in the kettle
And guess what he likes eating best –
A bowl of stinging nettles.

I’ve got a silly daddy
He wears trousers on his head
And just before he goes to work
He paints his eyebrows red.

I’ve got a silly daddy
He drinks mugs of margarine
And some days pours his cup of tea
Inside our washing machine.

I’ve got a silly daddy
He pats his car goodnight
He reads it bedtime stories
Then switches off the light.

I’ve got a silly daddy
He rides his bike up trees
And when we’re at the seaside
He rides into the sea.

I’ve got a silly daddy
He hides under my bed
And when it’s time for sleeping
He jumps onto my head.

I’ve got a silly daddy
I wouldn’t swap him for the world
He’s my silly daddy
And I’m his little girl.

From: ‘The Hungrumptious Blumpfh and Other Poems’ by Conrad Burdekin

Captain Cut-throat

Captain Cut-throat sails the seas
Filthy beard full of fleas
Mouth a wicked, evil sneer
He’s the pirate people fear.

Captain Cut-throat sails the seas
Clothed in sickness and disease
Putrid warts stick to his skin
Pus-filled sores burst on his chin.

Captain Cut-throat sails the seas
Crooked back and knobbly knees
Teeth turned black and falling out
Feet dark green with rotten gout.

Captain Cut-throat sails the seas
Stinky feet of mouldy cheese
Dirty, sweaty, scabby toes
Creatures crawling up his nose.

Captain Cut-throat sails the seas
Never says thank you, never says please
Shouts at shipmates, whips them too,
Hated by his villainous crew.

Captain Cut-throat sailed the seas
Crafty pirates stole his keys
Locked him up and sank the boat
Poor old Captain Cut-throat.

From ‘Teachers Pick their Noses and Other Poems’ by Conrad Burdekin

I like reading

I like reading in my bed
I like reading on my chair
I like reading in the garden
I like reading everywhere
I like reading on the train
I like reading in the car
I like reading in the kitchen
I like reading near and far
I like reading in the cellar
I like reading in the hall
I like reading in the attic
I read anywhere at all
But guess where I like reading best?
Guess what I most like to do?
I like reading in the bathroom
Whilst I’m sitting on the loo!

From: ‘The Baked Bean Queen and Other Poems’ by Conrad Burdekin

Elephant Sleepover

An elephant came for a sleepover
And jumped into my bed
I never saw him coming ‘til
He landed on my head

So now my head is flattened
My bed is broken too
And as for Mr Elephant?
He’s gone back to the zoo

From: ‘Supersonic Gran and Other Poems’ by Conrad Burdekin

What makes me different?

    • Fun and engaging
    • Over 10 years’ experience
    • DBS certified
    • Nursery – Year 6
    • Poet, Storyteller and Writer
    • Teacher trainer
    • Visited over 200 schools

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It's windy and 'orrible out there. Only one thing for it - time for your dressing gown!

Enjoy 😀
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I'm becoming the Patron of Reading at LOTS of schools recently, and I'm loving it! Consequently, I've written a new poem about books. Here it is.

Oh, and if you're wondering what the sound is in the background, that's our puppy Pebbles chewing on a toy car!!!
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In the last half hour two, of my friends have posted about their worries and anger at their (young) children having pressure of work from school - both in the form of homework and also practise Sats.

It's made me think: how much good does all this do? Our school's headteacher pretty much put an end to homework last year and it's made things SO much better for our whole family.

Instead, the children are given a big list of projects at the start of a topic and they can choose what they like the look of and which ones to do over the course of a half term or term.

It's brilliant! Last year Violet did two PowerPoint presentations off her own back. Mabel created an amazing scented garden from a box. She still has it. I saw it her bedroom tonight!

And yet...

One of my friends writes...

'So sick of homework!
My daughter has:

*Spellings (some stupid ones)
*not one but TWO reading books
*a double sided comprehension sheet
*10 words to learn
*maths and literacy sheets! Every week!

Is it just me l?!!!'🤢'

Is it just her?

I'm willing to bet that it's not!
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My contract for my latest book has arrived!!! And it's got a proper wax seal and everything! Working title of my book...

'Never Give Bread To a Duck.'

Very exciting!
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High Bank Hi Jinks!

I was back at one of my favourite schools today - High Bank in Liversedge. It was them, remember, for whom we collected all those books earlier in the year. I just LOVE this school. I was reminded once again...