Baked Bean Queen

£5.99

Reading this book could be hazardous to your child’s health. Raucous laughter and huge gasps for air have been widely reported whenever children come into contact with Conrad’s poems.

Product Description

What would happen if the Queen ate too many baked beans?
If your teacher got locked in the loo, would you let them out?
Why are some dinner ladies so horrible?
And why do children love talking about wee and poo so much?
These are just some of the questions that Conrad ponders in The Baked Bean Queen, his third collection of humorous poems for children. If his first two books are anything to go by – PARENTS BEWARE! Reading this book could be hazardous to your child’s health. Raucous laughter and huge gasps for air have been widely reported whenever children come into contact with Conrad’s poems.

3 reviews for Baked Bean Queen

  1. Conrad Burdekin

    ‘I’ve never heard something so funny in my life. They make me always giggle’ – Kyra aged 6

  2. Conrad Burdekin

    ‘10 out of 10! Hilarious!’ – Joshua aged 10

  3. Conrad Burdekin

    ‘It had me in complete stitches. The books are great! I laughed so much I cried’ – Natasha aged 9

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What makes me different?

    • Fun and engaging
    • Over 10 years’ experience
    • DBS certified
    • Nursery – Year 6
    • Poet, Storyteller and Writer
    • Teacher trainer
    • Visited over 200 schools

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Really need to get rid of our fridge freezer now. Will take £150. Bought for over £500 just over a year ago. Perfect working order - excellent extra for a garage or perfect for the kitchen. Let me know ASAP ... See MoreSee Less

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On holiday in Northumberland. I’ve found a rather nice writing spot. I also heard a fun tale involving a friend’s little daughter - inspiration hit. Enjoy!

Maisy’s Jumper

Little baby Ivy
Splashing in the bath
Cousin Maisy’s helping
Making Ivy laugh

First she puts some bubbles
High on Ivy’s head
Then a game of peekaboo
Before it’s time for bed

But just as bath time’s ending
Baby Ivy stops
She grunts and groans and pushes hard...
Plop! Plop! Plop!

“Mum!” yells Maisy, “gross! Oh yuck!
Look what Ivy’s done!”
The evidence is floating round -
It’s not a number one!

Ivy shoots a hand out
And grabs a pile of poo
This cute and gorgeous baby knows
Exactly what to do

She throws her missile through the air
Straight at cousin Maisy
It lands on Maisy’s brand new jumper -
Poor girl just goes crazy

“Help!” screams Maisy. “Get it off!
I think I’m going to vom.”
Maisy’s mum comes running in
To see what’s going on

She starts to laugh - she cannot stop -
Tears run down her cheeks
It is by far the funniest thing
That she has seen for weeks

And as for baby Ivy?
She giggles: “Ooh ooh, eee!”
Sits down with satisfaction...
...And fills the bath with wee!
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One of my best friends set up a school in Zimbabwe last year. I got this message just now - can anyone help?

Thanks!

Con
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The ups and downs of a Panini collector... ... See MoreSee Less

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We have 3 lovely guinea pigs - Tomato, Sponge and Foxy Mae. But our girls are allergic to them and, since we’ve got Pebbles (our dog) they don’t get much of a look in.

We’ve taken the tough decision to re-home them once we get back off our holidays. But we want them to go somewhere they’ll be loved and looked after.

We have an outdoor cage, cage cover, water bottle along with the guinea pigs themselves. They are lovely pets - never bitey- but just not right for us Burdekins anymore 😞.

If you’re interested, please let us know. We don’t want any money for them - just lots of love.

Thanks!!

Con and Clare

*They live in the garden at ours but can also be housed indoors*
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High Bank Hi Jinks!

I was back at one of my favourite schools today - High Bank in Liversedge. It was them, remember, for whom we collected all those books earlier in the year. I just LOVE this school. I was reminded once again...